Might be the caffeine but I’m feeling better. I can be a victim of fatalism sometimes, but if I wait it out, life eventually feels purposeful again. And if it doesn’t, then I just keep waiting. I think this is dramatic seasonal depression. A Calgary Winter is really out to get you, drying your ability to breathe, locking you in, fucking with the roads, fucking with your mind, fucking with your memories. A foolish artist can only push through, but the question I am reliving is whether to live fully aware of the shit or to live in a little delusion, which I see people embracing and respect. I think there is some insight in recognizing the shit, though, so I do that and keep waiting to see what happens.