2025-06-14 Do I want to spend my whole life teetering at the edge of faith? A friend has me pulling at the thread. My life is a pendulum between the experience of rebellion against nature and a yearning for God. Being shackled by concrete philosophy makes me nauseous. I cannot believe in the strictness and exactness and rules. Being prescribed in concrete what is right and wrong when everything has changed, re-interpreted, and will continue to change. When a person's neurology will always require a unique prescription. Sure, there are beneficial guidelines, but nothing is infallible. No matter how comforting it is. How *dearly* comforting it is. Eventually I will submit, what else can a Human do? The relief one feels after vomiting comes to mind. (Being empty is not exhausting anymore, being full with futility is). And then, desperate, thirsty, I will fight to live again. My spirit and life and vocation demands this cycle. Because the act of creativity is to burn in this machine. --- [[Hafiz, 2020]] explores this dilemma of faith, in a more subdued and indirect way. I need to make a new film that expresses the *burning*. --- ![[Movie on 2025-06-13 at 11.42 AM.mp4]] --- Uth Jaag Musafir! https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=1VtY-We2qNA&si=PL_PbzkUCfExRwAb