Delayed gratification is a myth. I think about this as I realize a fatal flaw I must reprogram in my mind, taught to me by my education. Being that all other things in life must be pushed aside while you are completing a project. That only *after* you complete your work, you deserve the experiences of a normal human being. Recently been busy with grant applications, work, and life, and finding myself delaying my writing and feeling guilty for experiencing life. The logic was I’d never be able to enter a flow state if I only had 30 minutes to spare, so why bother. The time to catch up in intense sprints would come. However having *not written* during a day I begin to feel a dreadful fatalism as night settles. Always. So I *must* write. Even with the small time I have. Even writing a mere 50 words. Yesterday that was the pathetic word count and surprisingly I felt good and fulfilled by the time I put my head to the pillow. And today I power through 500 words in 30 minutes to the same effect (a nice cup of coffee and finding the right music for the scene was it). It feels... better than I expected. To do *something* rather than *nothing*. So I’m going to keep writing. Everyday. Whether it’s 50 or 500 or 5000. Because I’m not writing to get it done. I’m writing to live. *** Perhaps I’m chilling out a little from what I felt during [[2025-08-11 Obsession]]. I still want to retain that energy, but must recognize that sustained obsession is different than foolish obsession. I want the former.